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Inner Sanctum - I'm Apparently Awake, Where Am I Going? (Soul Ball...)




Inner Sanctum - I'm Apparently Awake, Where Am I Going? (Soul Ball...)





(Yay! I figured out how to connect my new DSLR camera to my computer for remote control/timed picture taking! No more reliance on the webcam!)

Resuming normal Network R3 programming, having been up for about an hour. It was restful sleep, though I had some dreams based on some of my feelings from the day before that made me worry a bit.

I am up, awake, and have a few things to do, as well as a few things I want to do.

While I'm here, I grabbed another writing I wanted to post.

This one I put together rather quickly on January 11, 1994. Notes follow.

Soul Ball

Soul Ball-
    Twisted ball of metal
    A substitute, or proxy, if you wish
    for my own tortured soul.
        Soul Ball

Ooooh!! We've got Poetry Sign!
(Sorry, Folks! Had to do that!
One of our regulars keeps
reminding me of Joel from MST3K)


Just more discordant rumblings
    from a tormented soul...
        Soul Ball.

Just now, I had a terrible feeling,
like my right hand suddenly atrophied
to the point where I couldn't write or draw
What a terrible feeling!
The body betraying the brain
    A biological virus in the AI construct!

The mutiny of the meat
Without the means to express itself,
The brain feeds on itself, screaming
and drowning on its own feedback
S.O.S.... help me please
    Dalton Trumbo
        Johnny Got His Gun
            Metallica
                One.

    "Hold my breath as I wish for death
        Oh God help me please!"*
            * From Metallica's "One", fron
            "And Justice For All"

For the record, I was fighting my right arm
through the last few lines.
    Still bearing the wounds
        from two months of hell.
        Soul Ball.

    Someone came up to me and said,
    "Y'know, if you turn the page
    more parallel to your body,
    you might be able to write better."

I don't know who it was- Maybe it was me.
    It is not - oh, wait!
It is not strange to talk to one's self
They say it is an activity of geniuses-
Or the insane...

    Who am I?
        I'll never tell...

    Soul Ball.

Notes and references:

This was one of those writings where I attempted once again to shed some light and insight into what makes me who I was at the time, or who I am now. I still tend to do that to this day, I just do it through LiveJournal, Facebook, and Flickr. ^_^;

Being that it was 1994 when I wrote this, I was into watching Comedy Central on TV, usually whatever they offered, for the most part, Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Apparently, at one time, at the local coffee house where I frequented for poetry, there was a semi-regular who did bear a bit of resemblance to Joel Hodgson from his MST3K days.

I also was still into mainstream music, whatever was on the radio, the occasional video on MTV (or the pay-per-play cable channel, "The Jukebox Network") - For the longest time on "The Box", some people would constantly call in and request "One" by Metallica. I can say that I know the song quite well. I saw the 1970 film based off Dalton Trumbo's book where the film scenes for the video came from. One of these days I'll sit down and read the book. I recall Mr. Trumbo was blacklisted during the days of the McCarthy Communist "witch hunts" in the 1950s, and it was the actor Kirk Douglas who helped Dalton Trumbo get his name back.

Why Soul Ball? Maybe I was thinking of Babes in Toyland's "Handsome and Gretel" off the "Fontanelle" album. (Yes, the same album that featured "Bruise Violet", which was featured during the first season of Beavis & Butt-Head - "Heh heh, Fire! Fire! FIRE!!") Maybe I was thinking of my own soul, sealed up and frozen. There were times when I didn't feel too good about myself. Maybe I was emo before emo became trendy? I don't really know, but I'm still striving to be happy and evolve.

I seem to have a talent for taking in words, turning them around and rearranging them, and spewing them back out. Maybe I just learned to "remix" them. Maybe I don't really have an actual talent. I've always wondered if there is any











Beautiful pictures




Beautiful pictures





Remember when.......

Wow things have changed haven't they?

>> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Black and White
> > (Under age 40? You won't understand.)
> >
> > You could hardly see for all the snow,
> > Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.
> > Pull a chair up to the TV set,
> > 'Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet.'
> >
> > My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and
spread Mayo on the same
> cutting board with the same knife and no
bleach, but we didn't seem to
> get food poisoning.
> >
> > My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the
counter AND I used to eat it
> raw some times, too. Our school sandwiches
were wrapped in wax paper in
> a brown paper bag, not in ice-pack coolers,
but I can't remember getting
> e.Coli.
> >
> > The term cell phone would hav e conjured
up a phone in a jail cell, and
> a pager was the school PA system.
> >
> > We all took gym, not PE. And risked
permanent injury with a pair of
> high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead
of having cross-training
> athletic shoes with air cushion soles and
built in light reflectors. I
> can't recall any injuries but they must
have happened because they tell
> us how much safer we are now.
> >
> > Flunking gym was not an option. Even for
stupid kids! I guess PE must
> be much harder than gym.
> >
> > Speaking of school, we all said prayers
and sang the anthem, and
> staying in detention after school caught
all sorts of negative
> attention.
> >
> > We must have had horribly damaged
psyches. What an archaic health
> system we had then. Remember school nurses?
Ours wore a hat and
> everything.
> >
> > I thought that I was supposed to
accomplish something before I was
> allowed to be proud of myself.
> >
> > I just can't recall how bored we were
without computers, Play Station,
> Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable
stations.
> >
> > Oh yeah ... And where was the Benadryl
and sterilization kit when I
> got that bee sting? I could have been
killed!
> >
> > We played 'king of the hill' on piles of
gravel left on vacant
> construction sites, and when we got hurt,
Mom pulled out the 48-cent
> bottle o f Mercurochrome (kids liked it
better because it didn't sting
> like iodine did) and then we got our butt
spanked.
> >
> > Now it's a trip to the emergency room,
followed by a 10-day dose of a
> $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom
calls the attorney to sue the
> contractor for leaving a horribly vicious
pile of gravel where it was
> such a threat.
> >
> > We didn't act up at the neighbor's house
either because if we did, we
> got our butt spanked there, and then we got
butt spanked again when we
> got home.
> >
> > I recall Donny Reynolds from next door
coming over and doing his
> tricks on the front stoop, just before he
fell off. Little did his Mom
> know that she could have owned our house.
Instead, she picked him up and
> swatted him for being such a goof. It was a
neighborhood run amuck.
> >
> > To top it off, not a single person I knew
had ever been told that they
> were from a dysfunctional family. How could
we possibly have known that?
> >
> > We needed to get into group therapy and
anger management classes? We
> were obviously so duped by so many societal
ills that we didn't even
> notice that the entire country wasn't
taking Prozac! How did we ever
> survive?
> >
> > LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA,
AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T; SORRY
> FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I









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